Silent and No Longer Deadly
Stop the bedtime bombs
Does this look like you? Is your man just a little too “manly” when you’re in bed? Do you sometimes wish he was in another time zone?
Well, fire your divorce lawyer because We Got the Goods has the solution for you! It’s the Better Marriage Blanket. What makes it so amazing? It is a proven FLATULENCE ABSORBER!
With a layer of activated carbon just like the military uses to protect against chemical weapons–even the one on your husbands backside.
Sleeping In Your Jeans?
Jeans without the muffintop!
Pajama Grams, the pajamas you send instead of flowers, has brought us the most amazing product since the invention of spandex. Slip into these pajama jeans to sleep, travel or go shopping. The stretchy Dormisoft™ Denim make these perfect to live in, anytime, anywhere. Who’ll know?
And if you are infamous for passing out in your clothes after a night out, Pajama Jeans will make it so much more comfortable…when you finally come to.
Stand Up Straight!
How can posture this bad feel so good?
A vibrating shirt.
Let me say it again, “vibrating shirt.”
Yes, this shirt can warn you when your posture is less than perfect. It can act like your mom and gently nudge you into standing up straight.
But what if you are having a hard day? you’re tired, you’re body aches and you don’t feel like standing up straight? Then, let the shirt work it’s magic on your tired muscles! The more you slouch, the better it works!
Dumbrella
Why should we both hold an umbrella?
Does your wife have frail arms? Do you need to stand close to her in case she faints? Don’t you hate getting wet when you are gentlemanly holding her umbrella?
Why have two umbrellas that force you to stand so far apart in the rain? No sir! Get yourself a dualbrella! Now you can cozy up to the misses even in the pouring rain. And she won’t have to be burdened with the weight of her own umbrella.
Coming soon, the family dualbrella–two beach umbrellas sewn together with one almost weightless handle.
I Know What You Did in the Bathroom
I see what you see.
House guests stealing your medication again? You know that sneaky neighbor kid is the one taking your Xanax. If you get paranoid, don’t up your prescription, just get the spy cam mirror! Now you can see everything that goes on behind your closed bathroom door.
What Duct Tape Won’t Fix
Repair your road in the method approved by the Louisiana DOTD.
Potholes? Cracks? Road hazards? Tape ‘em up!
This fabric tape will make all those unsightly cracks virtually disappear! You’re tires may still know they are there, but you’ll never see ‘em coming!
Tastes Like Candy Mountain
It worked for Voldemort, it can work for you!
Feeling down in the dumps? Need some sparkle in your life? Realize that the best tasting meats come from the most intelligent and mythical of animals? That’s right, you know why no one has ever seen a sasquatch… they’re DELICIOUS! Well friends, now you can have your sparkles and eat it too with 100% canned Unicorn meat! Perfect for survivalists, warlocks, and for making your kid sister cry just for kicks!
- Spidey
Rave on!
Glow sticks are so last decade!
“Man, I wish there was something like glow sticks that I didn’t have to hold while I was dancing!”
Wish no more, my friend! The Party Rat is here. Just strap on a couple of these babies and your had becomes a veritable rainbow of party colors. You will be the envy of all the raves!
But don’t take our word for it! Archie McPhee (party rat manufacturer) says, “They’re the best thing to happen to partying since the mirror ball. People of all ages are putting these colorful, plastic, rodent lights on their fingers and waving their hands in the air like they just don’t care.”
Can’t argue with that! Get your rat on!
Holy Hotline
My ringtone is still "Get Low"
Are you feeling alone? Do you think that your current cell phone does not meet your spiritual needs? Is having your preacher on speed dial not enough to bring you closer to your lord?
Well heathens who live in North America, I’m afraid you’ll have to find other ways to express your commitment to God, because while this phone screams “I love the lord,” it sadly won’t work in Canada, the U.S. or Mexico. I guess only people in Europe and Asia can reach out and touch God.
Unfathomable!
Ariel? Can you hear me?
Make a splash anywhere you go with this dazzling starfish PHONE!
Why would you want a phone that looks like a starfish? Better question, why wouldn’t you! In a world of boring old black phones with no personality or flair, you NEED something to show off your pizazz!
